Jealousy: When Pets Come Between Partners
When newlyweds Brad and Kim of Austin, Texas, returned from their honeymoon and moved into a new condo, Kim’s English Cocker Spaniel, Roxy, refused to let her new husband into the master bedroom. The dog growled and bared her teeth. Roxy refused to give up her place on the bed next to Kim, so Brad spent his first post-honeymoon night on the couch.
Nancy, a cat owner from Bedford, Massachusetts, had a similar experience when she married the man of her dreams. Her long-time feline companion was furious at Jim’s intrusion and went on a hunger strike, crying piteously for hours.
“Jealous pets are a very common problem,” says animal behaviorist Dr. Nicholas H. Dodman, author of If Only They Could Speak and director of the Animal Behavior Clinic at Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University.
“Animals are thinking, attentive beings capable of complicated emotions such as jealously and guilt. Consequently, they can manipulate and carry out attention-seeking behaviors, knowing the results will alter their owner’s conduct for their benefit.”
Bring in the Behaviorist
Animal behaviorists are often called in to act as family counselors and use behavior modification techniques for the family dog or cat. Sometimes they even prescribe the pet mood-altering medications to deal with human-animal triangles.
The use of psychotropic drugs for pets is controversial. Many veterinarians and behaviorists consider it unnecessary. Dodman believes, however, that without such treatment, there would be an even greater number of animals abandoned at shelters.
“The drugs can be used short-term to get a pet around a sharp corner, or more or less indefinitely,” he says.
Who’s Really the Jealous One?
New York psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr. Joel Gavriele-Gold, Ph. D., points out that pet owners themselves are often a major contributing factor to the problem. This prompted him to write When Pets Come Between Partners, a book outlining the power play involved in such relationships.
“Jealous pets are a very real problem, but sometimes the animal is merely the catalyst for bringing out other unresolved psychological issues,” explains Dr. Gavriele-Gold.
“When people are starting out together and one demands that the other’s cat or dog go, this is only the beginning of issues that are going to get much deeper and worse in other parts of the relationship. People tend to dump their own personal issues on their pets. The animals wind up looking as if they’re the problem, when in fact they’re not.
Dr. Gavriele-Gold recalled a client who moved to the city from the countryside with his wife and a dog named Fred.
“The couple kept fighting and the husband blamed Fred, saying the dog couldn’t settle down in the city because he missed his ‘girlfriend’ in the country. In the end, the couple got divorced — and the husband went back to his girlfriend in the country, taking Fred with him!”
Another typical jealousy-fueled scenario is when two people each bring their own pets to a relationship. It’s sometimes difficult for the animals to get along.
“Pets, like people, react differently to different situations,” says Dodman. “Some see all changes as a threat, others see an opportunity.”
If your is having trouble adapting to household changes, ask your veterinarian to recommend a certified behaviorist. You can also contact the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants at www.iaabc.org or the American Veterinary Medical Association at www.AVMA.org.
Sandy Robins is an award-winning pet lifestyle writer. Her work appears regularly on MSNBC.com, MSN.com, and in various publications. She is a member of the Dog Writers’ Association of America and the Cat Writers’ Association.